Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
