Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
