Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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