8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
