I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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