i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
