dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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