I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
