two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
