That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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