I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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