you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize