What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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