i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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