Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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