My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
