She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
