I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
