If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize