get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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