Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He shit in the fireplace
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
