I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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