New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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