are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
