i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
