I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
