with your own penis?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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