We won't sleep together?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
