he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
