if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
