my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Alive.
So much puke
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
