This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sext me about skeletons
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
