Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
