my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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