So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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