cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
