pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
