like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
