I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
