Got a toothbrush?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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