Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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