Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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