WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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