I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
