you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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