Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
