Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
