UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
