You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
