I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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