I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
