I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
