His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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