After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
