well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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