sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
