And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
