I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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