my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
