if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
