it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize