I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
