so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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