You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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