i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
