She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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